When a child is very ill or seriously injured, parents can experience physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual stress. The crisis can result in difficult feelings and behaviors.

• Dishonesty. Children feel safe when their parents are honest with them. If parents keep secrets from children, or try to protect them from bad news, they feel isolated and fearful. A child might think, “If Mom and Dad won’t tell me, it must be really bad,” or, “Mom won’t talk about it. I guess there’s nobody that I can tell about how scared I am.”

• Denial. Denial is a type of unconscious dishonesty. This occurs when parents say, “Everything will be just fine,” or, “It won’t hurt a bit.” This type of pretending increases the distance between child and parent, leaving the child with no support. However horrible the truth, it seldom is as terrifying as a half-truth upon which a child’s imagination builds.

• Depression. Depression can develop in parents of seriously hurt or sick children. Parents should seek professional help if they regularly experience any of the following symptoms: changes in sleeping patterns (sleeping too much, waking up frequently during the night), appetite disturbances (eating too little or too much), fatigue, panic attacks, inability to experience pleasure, feelings of sadness and despair, poor concentration, social withdrawal, feelings of worthlessness, suicidal thoughts, and drug or alcohol abuse. Depression can be treated with counseling, medication, or both.

• Loss of temper. All parents lose their tempers sometimes. They lose their tempers with spouses, healthy children, pets, even strangers. But anger can be especially painful when the target is a sick child. If stressed, parents can give themselves a ten-minute quiet time in private to regroup. If, despite their best efforts, parents find they are too stressed to control their tempers, a professional counselor can help them explore new ways of coping.

• Unequal application of household rules. Parents guarantee family problems if the ill child enjoys favored status while the siblings must do extra chores. It is hard to know when to insist that a child with a long-term illness or injury resume making his bed or setting the table, but it must be done. Siblings should know from the very beginning that any child in the family, if sick, will be excused from chores, but must start again when he is able.

• Overindulgence. Parents often overindulge sick or injured children.

• Overprotection. Parents should ask the doctor what changes in physical activity are necessary for safety and not impose restrictions that go beyond this. Letting children become involved in sports or neighborhood play may be difficult, but it helps them feel better as well as develop friendships.