Childhood Cancer

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Your Child in the Hospital

Behavior changes

Some children, due to temperament and upbringing, are blessed with good coping abilities. They understand what is needed to cope and they find ways to manage. Many parents express great admiration for their child’s strength and grace in the face of adversity. It is common, however, for family members to respond to the illness in the family with changes in feelings and behavior.

• Anger. Parents often respond to illness or injury with anger. So do children. Children rage at their pain and at their parents for bringing them to the hospital to be hurt. Sick or injured children have good reasons to be angry.

• Problems sleeping. Children often express stress by feeling unable to sleep alone or by having nightmares. Some parents allow the child to sleep with them, while others try soothing bedtime rituals or seek therapy.

• Tantrums. Healthy children have tantrums when they are overwhelmed by their feelings. So do sick or injured children. You can often predict tantrums by paying close attention to what triggers the outburst. This can help you prevent tantrums by avoiding situations that overload your child.

At one point Caitlin had overeaten her beloved French fries and had a “worse than agony case of gas,” as she described it. She spent the evening howling and really created a stir on the pediatric floor. She had a classic tantrum. I went in to take a shower and, when I returned to her room, there was a note taped to her door apologizing to all the people on the floor for her screaming attack.

• Withdrawal. Some children withdraw rather than blow up in anger. Like denial, withdrawal can temporarily help a child come to grips with strong feelings. However, too much withdrawal can be a sign of depression or psychological trauma. Parents or counselors can gently encourage withdrawn children to express their feelings.

In the first few days of hospitalization, my three-year-old daughter stopped interacting with everyone. She lay on the bed with her face turned to the wall. She wouldn’t talk, make eye contact, or respond in any way. She would totally ignore us if we tried to comfort her with stories, songs, or hugs. She tuned us out. We asked for help and a psychiatric nurse worked with her for two hours. We don’t know what she did, but when we came back in, our daughter was sitting up in bed painting her fingernails.

• Regression. Many parents worry if children regress to using a special comfort object when they are sick or hurt. Many young children return to using a bottle, or cling to a favorite toy or blanket. Allow your child to use whatever he can to find comfort. The behaviors usually stop when the child starts feeling better or when treatment ends.

Our son has a serious condition that has required years of difficult treatments. He is either very defiant or an absolute angel. Sometimes he argues about every single thing. I think it is because he has had so little control in his life. I have clear rules, am very firm, and put my foot down. But I also try to choose my battles wisely, so that we can have good times, too. My husband reminds me that if he wasn’t this type of tough kid, he wouldn’t have made it through the years of treatment, including so many setbacks.

FeelingsCommunication and discipline

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