The easiest way to notify friends and neighbors is to delegate one person to do the job. Calling only one neighbor or close friend prevents you from having numerous tearful conversations. Most parents are at their child’s bedside and want to avoid more emotional upheaval, especially in front of their child. Parents need to recognize that friends’ emotions will mirror their own: shock, fear, worry, helplessness. Because most friends want to help but don’t know what to do or say, they will welcome any suggestions you can give about what might be helpful.

Tell a trusted friend exactly what information you want him or her to pass on and, most importantly, whether you would welcome visits, phone calls, or cards. The more clarity you can provide, the less stress you will experience and the better your friends can support you. If you want visitors, for example, let people know when visiting hours are and whether there are any restrictions set by the hospital (or by you or your child) about who can come and for how long.

Not everyone you know will want or need the same level of detailed information. You may wish to encourage visits from close acquaintances but ask others to wait for phone or email updates. However, think twice before leaving anyone off the notification list. Many parents report that individuals they barely knew ended up being some of their most helpful and supportive resources.

Many families set up phone trees to provide ongoing updates—the parent calls one person, who calls a designated group of people, who then call others. More information about this topic is available in Chapter 16, Family and Friends.