Childhood Cancer

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Childhood Brain and Spinal Cord Tumors

Notifying the family

Notifying relatives is one of the first painful jobs for the parents of a child newly diagnosed with cancer. Depending on the family dynamic, the family may be a refuge or a source of additional stress.

I called my mother and asked her to tell everyone on my side of the family. My husband called his sister and asked her to tell everyone. We asked that they not call us for a few days because we needed a little time to feel less fragile and didn’t want to cry in front of Catherine too much.

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We approached each grandmother differently and got totally unexpected responses. We thought the first grandmother, who knew the most about the symptoms we were investigating, could take the news over the phone, but it was too much for her. The other grandmom had heart problems, and we sent my brother to her house to tell her. When he got there, she wanted to know why we didn’t call right away. She said, “Don’t worry about me, just worry about this little one.”

Family members often react in surprising ways, with unexpected help coming from some people and a disappointing lack of support from others. Parents must be prepared for these unexpected responses and try not to take them personally. Usually, the other person is struggling to process this difficult news in his or her own way and may be trying to spare the parent from more stress by not asking too many questions.

My dad had always been my rock, but when I told him about my son’s illness, he basically didn’t say anything and he never came to the hospital. I was furious with him. It took me a long time to realize that he needed me to be strong for him, too. He was just devastated by the thought that his only grandchild might be taken from him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Telling the siblingsNotifying friends and neighbors

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